Why fairytales don't exist
by Whiphanded
Summary: Dean has lost Sam many times, but never like this. [First fic, Wincest, Samifer, angst, drama, smut, rating will change as the story continues!]


**Disclaimer: **Supernatural does not belong to me, sadly. I do not own the characters and all that's mine is the plot that I hope to create.

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Dean looked over at the body of his younger brother, which lay quietly on the hard table in the middle of Bobby's little panic room. It's been two full days since Death had put his soul back but Sam still hadn't woken up. Hadn't even moved a single muscle. Dean found all this very worrying at first, but as soon as he found out this was actually a good thing, he relaxed. Castiel stayed over at Bobby's as well, all three of them taking turns into guarding the huge iron door that separated them from Sam.

This time, Dean had gotten in. He just needed to see Sam, talk to him for a bit, even if Sam probably couldn't hear him.

"Hey, Sammy," he said awkwardly. It didn't feel right to call him Sammy anymore, because he wasn't. Two days ago Sam was up, walking, talking and functioning perfectly without his soul. But he was a different man. Dean remembered the anger he felt when he found out. His little Sammy, his lover, wasn't him anymore. But soulless Sam could love just as well. Just in different ways. Suddenly, Dean found himself being the submissive one in the relationship and it surprised him how much he actually needed that, to give up all his control. He didn't have to think or do anything, just obey, there was somebody that took care for him, instead of the other way around.

Sure, there were plenty of moments where he missed the old Sam, but as the time went by, those feelings faded.

But now, as he looked down upon Sam, face relaxed and steadily breathing, he didn't look one bit like the man without a soul. He looked more like the little boy he used to be, curious about everything and ever so caring.

Dean reached out, closed his fingers gently around Sam's and closed his eyes.

He prayed. Let memories flash before his eyes. Think back of the good old days, when everything was still so simple. Hunting ordinary weirdo creatures, not demons, not angels, not the goddamn devil himself. When his father was still around. He wished for those days to come back, even though he knew that wasn't possible. When he reached the memory where he and Sam first kissed, he stopped praying and opened his eyes.

"Wake up, Sam. I need you here," he said, hoping that when Sam woke up, everything would go back at how things used to be, before Lucifer came into their lives, even before Castiel came into their lives.

Of course, wishes are never granted for the Winchesters.

It took four more days before something happened. All of them expected Sam to slowly wake up, fluttering his eyelids first and a few hours later a twitch of his limbs. Small indications that he was about to come back to this planet. Instead, he woke without a warning, eyes opening and stretching loudly.

Castiel was startled and jumped up from his chair, knocking it over in the process.

"Dean! Bobby!" he yelled, not wanting to leave the now very much awake Sam.

Footsteps were heard on the stairs, loud and fast and not a second later Dean burst in, closely followed by Bobby. Both had weapons in the waistband of their jeans, but Sam didn't look violent. On the contrary, he started to cry. Fat tears leaked from the hazel eyes, dripping down his cheek and onto his pants. He hid his face in his palms while his shoulders started to shake uncontrollably.

Dean reached him first and pulled the trembling body close against his chest.

"It's okay, Sam, I'm right here, nothing's going to happen to you, everything's gonna be fine, I promise," he murmured, caressing Sam's back and hair. Two strong arms pulled Dean closer while he sobbed as if he'd just lost something dear to him. Bobby and Castiel left them, but they'd be back as soon as Sam calmed down, to ask questions no one really wanted to ask.

After ten minutes, Sam started to mumble things, but Dean couldn't understand any of it through all the sobbing. He just continued to comfort Sam, held him tight, whispered calming things into his ears.

After fifteen minutes, Dean finally heard what he was saying and let go in sheer surprise.

"Take me back," Sam said. No, he _begged._ Dean blinked.

"What?" he asked, convinced he must've heard wrong.

"Take me back," Sam repeated. He looked down at Dean, brown eyes read and swollen, tears still leaking from them. It was such a pitiful sight that Dean wanted to wrap his arms around his baby brother again, but he just stood there, frozen on the spot. In shock. Clearly Sam wasn't thinking straight. Was this the kind of craziness they had warned him about? Dean expected a lot of drooling and screaming, but Sam seemed very aware of what he was saying. He didn't seem crazy or traumatized at all, just hurt. Lost.

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**A/N: **Okay so, you've just read my first fic! Congrats for making it this far. As you've probably guessed, English is not my first language and there's a _lot _to learn. This story is going to have a lot more chapters, but I'm kinda unsure whether people will like this or not, so this is all for now. Eh. Hope you enjoyed? Review if you want? I have no idea how this site works, sorry if none of this makes sense.


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